Our family is trying to raise over $13,000 to go to Mongolia this summer. Recently, I made a Bible Drill CD for my brother's church to help the kids there learn their Bible verses through songs. Mark worked his magic on the disc and what came out of our printer was a very professional looking CD with awesome songs to boot! People who have been using the CD keep saying it is so good that we should sell it! Well, I never intended to make money from it. But then I realized this could be an awesome opportunity to help our family go to Mongolia!
I quickly began putting together all of the songs I have written over the years. I was able to put together two more CD's and even include a song written by our girls for my oldest sister when she went to Heaven last August. It is so precious! After only a couple of weeks selling these CD's, we have raised over $700! I find it incredibly humbling that God would use me and my songs (which are like pages from my diary - how humbling is that) to get us to Mongolia! I know I'm supposed to say something like, 'we are going to be able to bless the Mongolian people because people here have supported us so amazingly.' But the truth is, the Mongolian people are going to bless us! I know - I've been there before!! Last summer I was able to go and I cannot wait to get back and share my family with them, and especially to get to share my children with their children!!!
Just two weeks ago, God gave us an incredible confirmation to even bring our girls. One couple was giving a large amount to our church on our behalf. They told me that God began impressing on them that they needed to double the amount they were giving because they believe it is so important that our children go with us. They said that our girls will have a greater impact on the Mongolian children than we adults could. And furthermore, when we return, our girls will have a greater influence on American children regarding missions than any adult ever could! It was like God Himself was telling us, "Yes, I want you to take your children with you halfway around the world!" WOW!
OK, here's another WOW! My sister is using that Bible Drill CD with the children in her home church. Here is an amazing story she sent me about how God is using those little songs in a mighty way:
I want to tell you a story about using the bible verse songs you shared with me. I focused the kids on learning Genesis 1:31 starting 3 weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I let the kids volunteer to stand up individually to quote the verse. After a couple of kids volunteered, I noticed a girl in the back timidly raise her hand. (I hadn’t met her yet.) I instantly called on her and saw a visible reaction from the teacher she was sitting next to as well as the other children. (This was during our combined time with about 50 kids.) She very timidly got up and recited the verse perfectly. However, it was immediately apparent why everyone winced when I called upon her. She has a speech impediment and is developmentally disabled. One of the teachers came to me after with tears in her eyes and told me that this little girl had never said a word in the 2 years she had been attending the class. Last week when I asked for volunteers, her hand was the first to go up. I asked her to come to the front and stand by me to help remind the kids of the words. She walked up by me with as much confidence as you could have. When she was done, she beamed and jumped up and down and clapped for herself. I thought you would want to know how your gift is helping others in unintended ways. After church Sunday, her bible study teacher said she actually participated during her class. She attributed her change to her ability to focus and learn the bible verse with enough confidence to recite it in front of everyone. Thank you for sharing your gift with me and all of us at our church.
Isn't God amazing? He takes our feeble offerings and makes them into something beautiful. And it's always more than we could ever have imagined!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Way Out of the Pit Isn't Up
you won't believe this, but God just revealed the most amazing thing to me as I was just praying for someone else. I am still in awe as I realize how I almost missed the opportunity!!! (the call to be depressed again has been very great. I would have missed this if I had let it overtake my day.)
yesterday, I was almost back to the old despair again. this morning, I was summoning up all the power within me to try to overcome again. I knew that satan had succeeded in making me feel bad about my diet and exercise because my diet has been terrible since saturday and my exercise has been nonexistant practically since I first began my new walking routine in january! so this morning, I got up ready to go walk and realized mark was leaving for a meeting - I couldn't go! I can't leave the girls - even if they are asleep. well, the enemy wasn't going to steal a victory that easily - no matter how much I hate mornings, and no matter how much I hate exercising. fortunately, the Holy Spirit reminded about my step videos. I haven't done them since I was pregnant!!!! I used to LOVE them and did them almost faithfully for years. ok - anyway, I did it. and I felt physically and emotionally great afterwards. wow - a small victory, but one definately worth the drudgery of waking up and the pain of exercising.
think about it, I beg God all day, every day, to help me feel better. and really, all it takes is getting my fat butt out of bed and exercising! ok - there has got to be some motivation there for me somewhere. I probably won't find it, though. I'll probably face the same hesitance tomorrow, but I still REFUSE to let the enemy win simply by my FORFEITING the game.
ok, so on to what just happened... I was praying for my friend and not having a clue where each word was heading, and God took me to the greatest revelation not only for her, but for ME TOO, as I find myself in a pit so often these days!!! ok, enough blabber, here's the prayer I prayed. may it be a revelation to you too.
I was praying Luke 24.45 (Then he [Jesus] opened their minds so they [the disciples] could understand the Scriptures.) for her:
"Dear God, please open her mind to Your truth. Help her today as she studies Your Word to understand your plan for her life. Bring other scipture to her mind today and reveal to her the opening is not at the top of the pit -- but at the bottom."
Wow! we've been looking the wrong direction for the way out! it is not to get out of the fire, but to walk THROUGH it with Him! just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did in Daniel chapter 3.
yesterday, I was almost back to the old despair again. this morning, I was summoning up all the power within me to try to overcome again. I knew that satan had succeeded in making me feel bad about my diet and exercise because my diet has been terrible since saturday and my exercise has been nonexistant practically since I first began my new walking routine in january! so this morning, I got up ready to go walk and realized mark was leaving for a meeting - I couldn't go! I can't leave the girls - even if they are asleep. well, the enemy wasn't going to steal a victory that easily - no matter how much I hate mornings, and no matter how much I hate exercising. fortunately, the Holy Spirit reminded about my step videos. I haven't done them since I was pregnant!!!! I used to LOVE them and did them almost faithfully for years. ok - anyway, I did it. and I felt physically and emotionally great afterwards. wow - a small victory, but one definately worth the drudgery of waking up and the pain of exercising.
think about it, I beg God all day, every day, to help me feel better. and really, all it takes is getting my fat butt out of bed and exercising! ok - there has got to be some motivation there for me somewhere. I probably won't find it, though. I'll probably face the same hesitance tomorrow, but I still REFUSE to let the enemy win simply by my FORFEITING the game.
ok, so on to what just happened... I was praying for my friend and not having a clue where each word was heading, and God took me to the greatest revelation not only for her, but for ME TOO, as I find myself in a pit so often these days!!! ok, enough blabber, here's the prayer I prayed. may it be a revelation to you too.
I was praying Luke 24.45 (Then he [Jesus] opened their minds so they [the disciples] could understand the Scriptures.) for her:
"Dear God, please open her mind to Your truth. Help her today as she studies Your Word to understand your plan for her life. Bring other scipture to her mind today and reveal to her the opening is not at the top of the pit -- but at the bottom."
Wow! we've been looking the wrong direction for the way out! it is not to get out of the fire, but to walk THROUGH it with Him! just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did in Daniel chapter 3.
Monday, January 15, 2007
How United 93 and Beth Moore Changed My Life
Well, it really began just after Carol died, terrible depression. It was everything you don’t want to talk about. It’s worse than cancer. It’s embarrassing. It’s guilty. It’s shameful. It’s hopeless. It’s heavy, smothering. Sad. So sad. Sometimes for no reason. It’s helpless. No one can help. Nothing can be done. Nothing will ever change. I will never feel any differently.
This went on for a couple of months. Daily, I went to the Lord. Just take me home. I’m no use here anymore. I’m just making others upset too. Daily, He gave me strength, no, a command - “Keep going.”
I clung to anything He sent me. My husband and best friend who said, “No one is leaving. We are a family and we are staying with you on this.” II Corinthians1.3 that says that He is the God of all comfort and that He wants to comfort me and that I am to take that comfort and comfort others. He knew this would be hard for me and yet He let me go through it. He is just waiting to comfort me from His storehouse of comfort.
“But this is too hard! I QUIT!!!!” The feelings are overwhelming. Way too much for me to deal with. I was tired of trying so hard not to feel so bad. I was running to the cross every day screaming, “Why am I running here? I’ve already been saved!” I didn’t know where else to go. The pain was unbearable. My emotions were on overload. It was like a stereo turned up past the feedback level for days, months. No escape.
God chastened me and said I can’t quit. The job (life) I have was given me by Him and only He can say, “Well done, you’re done!” My employee manual lays out specifically my job description in II Corinthians 5 - Christ gave me the ministry of reconciliation. OK, I can do that on a mission trip, but what about everyday life?! Who am I ministering to then? And of course, the answer came - my family. But they are already saved! So how do I minister to them? By serving and encouraging. Yes, pick up after them. Yes, even though you just did it this morning. And encourage them to learn what they are to learn. Encourage.
OK, a couple of months now of serving and encouraging have gone by. My actions have changed. My attitudes mostly have. My feelings partly have. And then we saw “United 93”. If you haven’t seen it, please do. The parable was perfect timing for me. And it is true for every Christian.
The enemy has come to hijack your life. He will lie to you and make you think you will live, but you will die - it is inevitable. If you know the truth, like those on United 93 came to know, then the lie has no hold on you. Actually, death has no hold on you anymore either. You come to realize that maybe you are living for such a time as this. You can sit in a back seat crying because of the horrific thing the enemy is doing to you, or you can get out of your chair and fight back and do a heroic thing to those around you (and yourself while you’re at it).
I just happened to have seen Beth Moore’s introduction video to the Daniel study the day before (God’s perfect planning). When Daniel was taken to Babylon, he chose not to let Babylon infect him. By standing up for His God, he actually infected Babylon. And so, Beth had me ask the question, “As I live in this world, will it indoctrinate me or will I indoctrincate it?”
God echoed that question after the movie, “Will you stay curled up, crying because of the way the world has affected you or will you stand up and affect the world? ‘Cuz either way, you’re going to die - when I say so!”
This went on for a couple of months. Daily, I went to the Lord. Just take me home. I’m no use here anymore. I’m just making others upset too. Daily, He gave me strength, no, a command - “Keep going.”
I clung to anything He sent me. My husband and best friend who said, “No one is leaving. We are a family and we are staying with you on this.” II Corinthians1.3 that says that He is the God of all comfort and that He wants to comfort me and that I am to take that comfort and comfort others. He knew this would be hard for me and yet He let me go through it. He is just waiting to comfort me from His storehouse of comfort.
“But this is too hard! I QUIT!!!!” The feelings are overwhelming. Way too much for me to deal with. I was tired of trying so hard not to feel so bad. I was running to the cross every day screaming, “Why am I running here? I’ve already been saved!” I didn’t know where else to go. The pain was unbearable. My emotions were on overload. It was like a stereo turned up past the feedback level for days, months. No escape.
God chastened me and said I can’t quit. The job (life) I have was given me by Him and only He can say, “Well done, you’re done!” My employee manual lays out specifically my job description in II Corinthians 5 - Christ gave me the ministry of reconciliation. OK, I can do that on a mission trip, but what about everyday life?! Who am I ministering to then? And of course, the answer came - my family. But they are already saved! So how do I minister to them? By serving and encouraging. Yes, pick up after them. Yes, even though you just did it this morning. And encourage them to learn what they are to learn. Encourage.
OK, a couple of months now of serving and encouraging have gone by. My actions have changed. My attitudes mostly have. My feelings partly have. And then we saw “United 93”. If you haven’t seen it, please do. The parable was perfect timing for me. And it is true for every Christian.
The enemy has come to hijack your life. He will lie to you and make you think you will live, but you will die - it is inevitable. If you know the truth, like those on United 93 came to know, then the lie has no hold on you. Actually, death has no hold on you anymore either. You come to realize that maybe you are living for such a time as this. You can sit in a back seat crying because of the horrific thing the enemy is doing to you, or you can get out of your chair and fight back and do a heroic thing to those around you (and yourself while you’re at it).
I just happened to have seen Beth Moore’s introduction video to the Daniel study the day before (God’s perfect planning). When Daniel was taken to Babylon, he chose not to let Babylon infect him. By standing up for His God, he actually infected Babylon. And so, Beth had me ask the question, “As I live in this world, will it indoctrinate me or will I indoctrincate it?”
God echoed that question after the movie, “Will you stay curled up, crying because of the way the world has affected you or will you stand up and affect the world? ‘Cuz either way, you’re going to die - when I say so!”
Monday, June 12, 2006
My Greatest Memory From Mongolia
It began in Sant, a very poor village about 100 kilometers away from Darkhan. I had never seen poverty like this. Not even on TV. It's different when you are actually there. Gary, Janna, and I delivered food to five families. Each of them had very different but very emotional responses. Two of them cried the whole time we were there. Two of them smiled and told us they would never forget this day. One was bedridden but insisted on sitting up when we offered to pray for him. They all thanked us over and over for bringing this food.
I cannot accept this thanks, I thought. It's not my food to give. I didn't pay for it. It cost me nothing to bring it. I was overcome with unworthiness. I can't accept it. Yet I couldn't tell them that - even with a translator - so I said, "You're welcome."
But I couldn't get over my feelings. All night long, it bothered me that I accepted their thanks. All night long I wondered how long that bag of soup would last. How many muffins would their mix make? And how many servings of beans were in that can? Did they even own a can-opener? Would someone else come and give them more food before it ran out? Would they be worthy to receive thanks?
It was then, in my most broken-hearted state, that God was able to teach me. "It is OK to feel like this. Actually this is exactly how you should feel everyday that you carry My Name around. You are completely unworthy. It cost you nothing to become my child. Yet it cost Me everything."
Unworthy - that is me. Unworthy to receive thanks. Unworthy to be called a Christian. Unworthy to have been born into a two-parent family. Unworthy to have all of my needs met every day of my life. Unworthy to have been born in America. Unworthy.
Before Mongolia, I was proud. Now, I realize I was never worthy to begin with. Now I am just grateful. Overwhelmingly grateful. And I cannot forget how I learned this. And I cannot forget the people of Mongolia. I cannot forget that they still don't have all of their needs met - and that God can use me, unworthy as I am, to make a difference in their lives.
I cannot accept this thanks, I thought. It's not my food to give. I didn't pay for it. It cost me nothing to bring it. I was overcome with unworthiness. I can't accept it. Yet I couldn't tell them that - even with a translator - so I said, "You're welcome."
But I couldn't get over my feelings. All night long, it bothered me that I accepted their thanks. All night long I wondered how long that bag of soup would last. How many muffins would their mix make? And how many servings of beans were in that can? Did they even own a can-opener? Would someone else come and give them more food before it ran out? Would they be worthy to receive thanks?
It was then, in my most broken-hearted state, that God was able to teach me. "It is OK to feel like this. Actually this is exactly how you should feel everyday that you carry My Name around. You are completely unworthy. It cost you nothing to become my child. Yet it cost Me everything."
Unworthy - that is me. Unworthy to receive thanks. Unworthy to be called a Christian. Unworthy to have been born into a two-parent family. Unworthy to have all of my needs met every day of my life. Unworthy to have been born in America. Unworthy.
Before Mongolia, I was proud. Now, I realize I was never worthy to begin with. Now I am just grateful. Overwhelmingly grateful. And I cannot forget how I learned this. And I cannot forget the people of Mongolia. I cannot forget that they still don't have all of their needs met - and that God can use me, unworthy as I am, to make a difference in their lives.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Be Bold... because God said so!
"Carla, I think they need a piano player. Go tell them you'll play!"
...but I'm just a participant here.
...I don't even know them.
...I don't want them to think I'm a show-off.
...they didn't ask me.
I have a million reasons to say 'no' to my husband. There's just one problem. That's the very thing God has been teaching me this year - to follow my husband. He has given Mark the vision for our family, not me. I am to listen to him and follow him as if he were my lord. (Ephesians 5.22) But that's another blog for another day.
So, I say 'yes' and I am the one to receive the incredible blessing of getting to praise my Lord on the keyboard and with my voice at our 2005 AIM Staff Conference. Then, to my surprise, I hear comments from my new AIM family saying that I blessed them. Incredible. How can God orchestrate something just for me and just for someone else at the same time? He is simply amazing. I love how intricately He has woven our lives together and how, at the same time, our lives may have nothing to do with one another.... It's really quite perplexing how it's all about me even though it's really all about Him.
Well, that's when the best part came. George, the worship leader that night, gave me the most brilliant insight. He gave me the freedom to become bold. No, the command to be bold. Here is what he told me:
When God annoints me to do something, He gives me the authority to do it. But I must do it with confidence. Take, for example, the worst sinner in the world. If he does the worst sins in the world, but he does them with confidence, people will follow him. So if God has annointed me and given me the authority in a situation, I must do it with confidence!
When looking for confirmation, I found the phrase, "Be strong and courageous" eleven times in the Bible. Wow!! How did I miss a thing so important that God said it not once, not twice, but eleven times?!
Now I know how to respond to God's daily guidance - with strength and confidence! (Unlike Moses' first example in Exodus 4.10-13.) I can already hear you asking, "Yea, but how do you know if it's God's guidance and not your own idea, or worse yet, the enemy's idea?" Well, that's where the ATL (Ask The Lord) and asking for confirmation comes in. But that blog will have to wait until tomorrow!
...but I'm just a participant here.
...I don't even know them.
...I don't want them to think I'm a show-off.
...they didn't ask me.
I have a million reasons to say 'no' to my husband. There's just one problem. That's the very thing God has been teaching me this year - to follow my husband. He has given Mark the vision for our family, not me. I am to listen to him and follow him as if he were my lord. (Ephesians 5.22) But that's another blog for another day.
So, I say 'yes' and I am the one to receive the incredible blessing of getting to praise my Lord on the keyboard and with my voice at our 2005 AIM Staff Conference. Then, to my surprise, I hear comments from my new AIM family saying that I blessed them. Incredible. How can God orchestrate something just for me and just for someone else at the same time? He is simply amazing. I love how intricately He has woven our lives together and how, at the same time, our lives may have nothing to do with one another.... It's really quite perplexing how it's all about me even though it's really all about Him.
Well, that's when the best part came. George, the worship leader that night, gave me the most brilliant insight. He gave me the freedom to become bold. No, the command to be bold. Here is what he told me:
When God annoints me to do something, He gives me the authority to do it. But I must do it with confidence. Take, for example, the worst sinner in the world. If he does the worst sins in the world, but he does them with confidence, people will follow him. So if God has annointed me and given me the authority in a situation, I must do it with confidence!
When looking for confirmation, I found the phrase, "Be strong and courageous" eleven times in the Bible. Wow!! How did I miss a thing so important that God said it not once, not twice, but eleven times?!
Now I know how to respond to God's daily guidance - with strength and confidence! (Unlike Moses' first example in Exodus 4.10-13.) I can already hear you asking, "Yea, but how do you know if it's God's guidance and not your own idea, or worse yet, the enemy's idea?" Well, that's where the ATL (Ask The Lord) and asking for confirmation comes in. But that blog will have to wait until tomorrow!
Thursday, February 26, 2004
The Story of Tori
All day Tuesday, Tori had a low-grade fever and a sore on her gum. The bump grew larger and more painful and her face began to swell. By Wednesday morning, I knew something was wrong since the entire left side of her face was swollen and her temperature was finally over 100. Not knowing whether to go to the dentist or pediatrician, I called the nurse who said to come on now. We got in at our doctor at 1030 and by 1130, we were headed to the hospital (talk about shock!... you mean I'm going to the hospital? now?). My doctor said that infections can be life-threatening, so this was nothing to mess with. He told me he believed it was an abcess and that it would have to be drained (surgically) and that we would be at the hospital for a few days.
Mark met us as we were filling out papers at admissions. Good timing as Tori was starting to get REALLY scared. She had heard the words 'surgery' and 'drain the abcess' and was starting to really freak out. Daddys make great comforters!
At 1230 she got her IV. This was very scary for both of us. It was pretty hard - but she got through it and they even said she was very tough. She thought she was pretty wimpy, but they assured her that sometimes even grown men cry and that most boys/men are overall more wimpy than girls. (sorry guys...)
Next came a visit from friends and then a flower/stuffed animal delivery which both made Tori's day!!! I promise to go visit any of you if you end up in a hospital room! It makes all the difference in the world!! Thanks to all of you who did this for us :)
After that Mark left to get things ready to spend a few days and Tori and I began waiting for the CAT scan. After several books and a movie, they came for her at 330. I called Mark to let him know we were going in and he told Tori this would be a piece of cake. It was - and even Fuzzy got to do it with her!
After a few more books (530), the doctor came in to say that the films looked normal, so there was no abcess and there would be no surgery, but we would be staying for several more days, maybe til Monday for IV antibiotics. We rejoiced over the no surgery part and started calling people.
Then, at 630, the 2 ENT specialists came in and told us that it IS an abcess and she DOES need surgery, so it was scheduled for 715. (they said it was just small on the films... kinda fuzzie)
Well, later, after eating ice cream, Tori's bump started to bleed a little. I noticed that it wasn't just blood and her face lit up at the realization that it was draining itself! She immediately said she was praying it would drain completely by 715am so they could just cancel the surgery. But I told her that wasn't likely. And we all went to bed. (my brother took Kaylie home so Mark got to stay too - yippee!)
At 7am this morning, they wheeled Tori to the holding room with all the other 'bodies' - it was a strange experience. Just before Tori woke up, I had been trying to think of something profound to say to her before she would go in the OR - like on Madeline when Ms. Clavell said, 'you can do anything.' Now, we were wheeling her down the hall and I had forgotten about being profound - I was only thinking that my baby girl might be afraid. Then Mark said, "You know what to do" and Tori said "Yep". Clueless me said, "What?" and Tori answered, "Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you." I Peter 5:7. Thank you God for caring for my baby. and for me. and for Mark. and for Kaylie. Thank you that we have a place to throw down these heavy weights.
After meeting the anesthesiologist and nurses and doing prep stuff, the doctor came in and we all said our good mornings. He asked how Tori was and she told him it had been draining. He suddenly got excited and took a quick look and said "Then let's cancel this! We don't need to spend this money."
All I'm thinking is - No Way!!!! That was just a childish idea, nothing but a hope, a prayer.... But you know what? It was an ANSWERED CHILDISH PRAYER!!
The doctor wrote in her chart as we all stood amazed - then he even wrote discharge orders. Mark bent over Tori and we all thanked God together. We were back in the room by 730 - who can we call this early???!! We were excited! Of course we didn't really get to leave until 10 - but what did we care - NO SURGERY!!!!
After Mark went to work, we just had to wait to actually be discharged. At one point, Tori and I were just sitting together on the bed and Tori broke out into song - 'Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice'. And then, in a little while, 'God is So Good', being sure to sing the 'He answers prayer' verse, and 'I love Him so'. What a precious time.
After visiting the room where Tori was born, we headed home for a short while. She had a dentist appointment at 130. My dentist doesn't let mommies go back, so this was very hard for the two of us who had spent the last 24 hours together - through theinitial shock, the IV, the CAT scan, down the long hallway to surgery - and now I have to wait with the other mothers... the one's whose kids are just getting their teeth cleaned.
I was worried as ever now. What were they doing to her? Were they pulling the tooth? Were they being careful around her sore? Was she OK? Did she need me? Was she in pain? I was about to go nuts and for some strange reason (this never happens), I didn't have a book. I eventually succumbed to reading an article about the superbowl halftime show. I almost puked - even though the article was agreeing that it was planned and wrong.
I couldn't take it anymore and asked the next hygenist I saw if she would check on Tori. A few minutes later, now 230, they called me back. When Tori saw me, she came running to me crying. I couldn't help it, I started crying too. She said, "He pulled my tooth and it wasn't even numb!!" At that moment, I remembered the ENT's telling me that the pus inside an abcess is so acidic that it somehow keeps the nerves from accepting a local anesthetic. OH MY -- SHE TRULY FELT THE WHOLE THING!!!!!!! We were both crumpled heaps crying in the middle of the dentist's work area. I was a little embarrassed that I'm the mother, supposed to be helping my child and here I am crying with her. I explained to the hygenists and the dentist that we had had a hard day! We got out of there as fast as possible and headed home. We planned our rehabilitation: an Oreo Shake from Jack-in-the-Box and a trip to her cousin Kimberly's house to play and then take Kaylie home!
But before we could start rehab, we were still falling apart inside, both just needing to cry. As we were gathering things to take on the trip, I realized this and called Tori over to my lap and we just rocked and prayed. We reminded ourselves and God that although we felt terrible and weak, we had NOT forgotten what He had done for us that morning. We STILL rejoice!! We STILL sing God is So Good. And we STILL know where our help comes from - even when we just want to cry.
And then we were off - at 345 - we left our heavy weights and began our rehab. And it was perfect. And I watched my baby play and smile and run around with her cousins. And now we're home. And all is well.
I told my sister-in-law that I feel like a new mommy with a new baby... kinda hard to let her out of my sight. I want to know she's ok. no fever. no pain. no swelling. Guess I've got some more weights to lay down....
Thank You God for holding us in Your hands. Thank You for friends that lift us up in prayer and make such a hard thing not as unbearable as we think. Thank You God for caring for Tori.
Mark met us as we were filling out papers at admissions. Good timing as Tori was starting to get REALLY scared. She had heard the words 'surgery' and 'drain the abcess' and was starting to really freak out. Daddys make great comforters!
At 1230 she got her IV. This was very scary for both of us. It was pretty hard - but she got through it and they even said she was very tough. She thought she was pretty wimpy, but they assured her that sometimes even grown men cry and that most boys/men are overall more wimpy than girls. (sorry guys...)
Next came a visit from friends and then a flower/stuffed animal delivery which both made Tori's day!!! I promise to go visit any of you if you end up in a hospital room! It makes all the difference in the world!! Thanks to all of you who did this for us :)
After that Mark left to get things ready to spend a few days and Tori and I began waiting for the CAT scan. After several books and a movie, they came for her at 330. I called Mark to let him know we were going in and he told Tori this would be a piece of cake. It was - and even Fuzzy got to do it with her!
After a few more books (530), the doctor came in to say that the films looked normal, so there was no abcess and there would be no surgery, but we would be staying for several more days, maybe til Monday for IV antibiotics. We rejoiced over the no surgery part and started calling people.
Then, at 630, the 2 ENT specialists came in and told us that it IS an abcess and she DOES need surgery, so it was scheduled for 715. (they said it was just small on the films... kinda fuzzie)
Well, later, after eating ice cream, Tori's bump started to bleed a little. I noticed that it wasn't just blood and her face lit up at the realization that it was draining itself! She immediately said she was praying it would drain completely by 715am so they could just cancel the surgery. But I told her that wasn't likely. And we all went to bed. (my brother took Kaylie home so Mark got to stay too - yippee!)
At 7am this morning, they wheeled Tori to the holding room with all the other 'bodies' - it was a strange experience. Just before Tori woke up, I had been trying to think of something profound to say to her before she would go in the OR - like on Madeline when Ms. Clavell said, 'you can do anything.' Now, we were wheeling her down the hall and I had forgotten about being profound - I was only thinking that my baby girl might be afraid. Then Mark said, "You know what to do" and Tori said "Yep". Clueless me said, "What?" and Tori answered, "Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you." I Peter 5:7. Thank you God for caring for my baby. and for me. and for Mark. and for Kaylie. Thank you that we have a place to throw down these heavy weights.
After meeting the anesthesiologist and nurses and doing prep stuff, the doctor came in and we all said our good mornings. He asked how Tori was and she told him it had been draining. He suddenly got excited and took a quick look and said "Then let's cancel this! We don't need to spend this money."
All I'm thinking is - No Way!!!! That was just a childish idea, nothing but a hope, a prayer.... But you know what? It was an ANSWERED CHILDISH PRAYER!!
The doctor wrote in her chart as we all stood amazed - then he even wrote discharge orders. Mark bent over Tori and we all thanked God together. We were back in the room by 730 - who can we call this early???!! We were excited! Of course we didn't really get to leave until 10 - but what did we care - NO SURGERY!!!!
After Mark went to work, we just had to wait to actually be discharged. At one point, Tori and I were just sitting together on the bed and Tori broke out into song - 'Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice'. And then, in a little while, 'God is So Good', being sure to sing the 'He answers prayer' verse, and 'I love Him so'. What a precious time.
After visiting the room where Tori was born, we headed home for a short while. She had a dentist appointment at 130. My dentist doesn't let mommies go back, so this was very hard for the two of us who had spent the last 24 hours together - through theinitial shock, the IV, the CAT scan, down the long hallway to surgery - and now I have to wait with the other mothers... the one's whose kids are just getting their teeth cleaned.
I was worried as ever now. What were they doing to her? Were they pulling the tooth? Were they being careful around her sore? Was she OK? Did she need me? Was she in pain? I was about to go nuts and for some strange reason (this never happens), I didn't have a book. I eventually succumbed to reading an article about the superbowl halftime show. I almost puked - even though the article was agreeing that it was planned and wrong.
I couldn't take it anymore and asked the next hygenist I saw if she would check on Tori. A few minutes later, now 230, they called me back. When Tori saw me, she came running to me crying. I couldn't help it, I started crying too. She said, "He pulled my tooth and it wasn't even numb!!" At that moment, I remembered the ENT's telling me that the pus inside an abcess is so acidic that it somehow keeps the nerves from accepting a local anesthetic. OH MY -- SHE TRULY FELT THE WHOLE THING!!!!!!! We were both crumpled heaps crying in the middle of the dentist's work area. I was a little embarrassed that I'm the mother, supposed to be helping my child and here I am crying with her. I explained to the hygenists and the dentist that we had had a hard day! We got out of there as fast as possible and headed home. We planned our rehabilitation: an Oreo Shake from Jack-in-the-Box and a trip to her cousin Kimberly's house to play and then take Kaylie home!
But before we could start rehab, we were still falling apart inside, both just needing to cry. As we were gathering things to take on the trip, I realized this and called Tori over to my lap and we just rocked and prayed. We reminded ourselves and God that although we felt terrible and weak, we had NOT forgotten what He had done for us that morning. We STILL rejoice!! We STILL sing God is So Good. And we STILL know where our help comes from - even when we just want to cry.
And then we were off - at 345 - we left our heavy weights and began our rehab. And it was perfect. And I watched my baby play and smile and run around with her cousins. And now we're home. And all is well.
I told my sister-in-law that I feel like a new mommy with a new baby... kinda hard to let her out of my sight. I want to know she's ok. no fever. no pain. no swelling. Guess I've got some more weights to lay down....
Thank You God for holding us in Your hands. Thank You for friends that lift us up in prayer and make such a hard thing not as unbearable as we think. Thank You God for caring for Tori.
Monday, September 29, 2003
The Lindberg Saga
It all started early last year, January 2002. Mark began telling me about his desire to get back into teaching. I hoped this would pass. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that God had something different for him, so he began praying for that. I didn’t really hear more about it until June of 2003, when Mark told me he had been begging God to steer us. God said it’s hard to steer if the car is in park. That day, Mark came home saying it’s time to put it in gear and let God direct our paths (Proverb 3:5-6). He felt the first step God was leading us to take was to put our house on the market. He also told me that he believed that God had told him that his future was not at DART. We began to get excited, dreaming about the new house God was planning for us. Would it be big? have a pool? have room for a horse? be in the country? be in Texas? What about a new job? would it just fall in our laps as DART had? We were dreaming big!
Next, we met with our realator to take the first step. The first step, it appears, is getting the house ready to be put on the market. That means cleaning it up. “But it’s as clean as it’s going to get!!” I said, “there’s no where to put all of this stuff - hence the need for a bigger house.” His advice was to begin packing, since we’re moving anyway. So, the packing began...
Then, the overwhelming waves began crashing all around. I’m no good at cleaning, at organizing a home, at teaching my children to clean and organize. I’ll be the only one cleaning, organizing, sorting, packing, moving... This will NEVER get done!! We’ll NEVER get it clean. We’ll NEVER put it on the market. We’ll NEVER sell it. We’ll NEVER move. We’ll have to live here FOREVER and DIE in this little house!! Then, God spoke to me so clearly - “I didn’t call you to the future, but only to the present. And all I’ve asked you to do today is clean it up and pack it up.” Oh.... ok. (Obedience is better than sacrifice.)
Of course, around the same time (July 2003), God was calling me to a closer walk with him. It all started with Beth Moore talking about her passionate love for Jesus. I was intrigued with her words. I had known Jesus for 30 years and didn’t talk about him the way she did. I asked our Bible study group if any of them felt the way she did. Only one said yes. Later, she shared with me that her relationship with God changed dramatically when she separated her Bible study from her quiet time. The thought had never really occurred to me. Every Bible study I did was another notch in my belt. Bible study is a real passion of mine. I love getting lost in His Word and finding little jewels and treasures hidden in the text for any who would pursue them. (I’m just realizing that I talked about Bible study the way Beth Moore talked about Jesus.) So, no changes in my ‘quiet time’ - yet.
By early-August, I was fed up with life. What’s the point? I secretly wondered. We get up, do the same things every day, nothing ever changes, and it needs to!! Life of earth is ‘crap’. Sin abounds, even in our churches, even in our own ‘holy’ lives. I had all I wanted of this world. Then Mark and I went to a marriage retreat on August 9 and 10 where I confessed this to him and found that he, too, was struggling with what we both decided was depression. We came to the conclusion that this was because we had reached all of our goals. We had achieved everything we had ever striven for. We were married, built a house, bought 2 cars, a computer, a grand piano, had 2 successful teaching careers (Mark’s dream job), and now an even better job (Mark’s fantasy job), had 2 beautiful daughters, who were turning out perfectly.... So now what? I wondered to Mark. He said, we set new goals - but not the kind that man can say we’ve reached. He wants the goals that only God can say, well done. Enter into my rest you good and faithful servant.
So we began brainstorming. We listed every goal we could think of. Every goal we could ever aspire to. Things like - knowing and being exactly where God wants us to be at all times and being a missionary family (not missionaries, but a family whose goal is to share Jesus with everyone we encounter). At the end of our brainstorming, our list was quite big - too overwhelming for me to keep them all, so we narrowed them down into two pots, just as Jesus boiled down the 10 commandments into 2 main ones. And ironically, ours sound very much like Jesus’. Family goal #1 - Serve God and family goal #2 - Serve others.
Right away, I set out to run for the prize. I was going to serve God. And that meant making Him the very ‘air I breathe’. What does that mean? I wondered. And that was the day I made the commitment to spend time on my knees every morning in a quiet time - separate from my Bible study time. I told God that if He wasn’t going to be the air I breathe, then I don’t want air.
Next, we met with our realator to take the first step. The first step, it appears, is getting the house ready to be put on the market. That means cleaning it up. “But it’s as clean as it’s going to get!!” I said, “there’s no where to put all of this stuff - hence the need for a bigger house.” His advice was to begin packing, since we’re moving anyway. So, the packing began...
Then, the overwhelming waves began crashing all around. I’m no good at cleaning, at organizing a home, at teaching my children to clean and organize. I’ll be the only one cleaning, organizing, sorting, packing, moving... This will NEVER get done!! We’ll NEVER get it clean. We’ll NEVER put it on the market. We’ll NEVER sell it. We’ll NEVER move. We’ll have to live here FOREVER and DIE in this little house!! Then, God spoke to me so clearly - “I didn’t call you to the future, but only to the present. And all I’ve asked you to do today is clean it up and pack it up.” Oh.... ok. (Obedience is better than sacrifice.)
Of course, around the same time (July 2003), God was calling me to a closer walk with him. It all started with Beth Moore talking about her passionate love for Jesus. I was intrigued with her words. I had known Jesus for 30 years and didn’t talk about him the way she did. I asked our Bible study group if any of them felt the way she did. Only one said yes. Later, she shared with me that her relationship with God changed dramatically when she separated her Bible study from her quiet time. The thought had never really occurred to me. Every Bible study I did was another notch in my belt. Bible study is a real passion of mine. I love getting lost in His Word and finding little jewels and treasures hidden in the text for any who would pursue them. (I’m just realizing that I talked about Bible study the way Beth Moore talked about Jesus.) So, no changes in my ‘quiet time’ - yet.
By early-August, I was fed up with life. What’s the point? I secretly wondered. We get up, do the same things every day, nothing ever changes, and it needs to!! Life of earth is ‘crap’. Sin abounds, even in our churches, even in our own ‘holy’ lives. I had all I wanted of this world. Then Mark and I went to a marriage retreat on August 9 and 10 where I confessed this to him and found that he, too, was struggling with what we both decided was depression. We came to the conclusion that this was because we had reached all of our goals. We had achieved everything we had ever striven for. We were married, built a house, bought 2 cars, a computer, a grand piano, had 2 successful teaching careers (Mark’s dream job), and now an even better job (Mark’s fantasy job), had 2 beautiful daughters, who were turning out perfectly.... So now what? I wondered to Mark. He said, we set new goals - but not the kind that man can say we’ve reached. He wants the goals that only God can say, well done. Enter into my rest you good and faithful servant.
So we began brainstorming. We listed every goal we could think of. Every goal we could ever aspire to. Things like - knowing and being exactly where God wants us to be at all times and being a missionary family (not missionaries, but a family whose goal is to share Jesus with everyone we encounter). At the end of our brainstorming, our list was quite big - too overwhelming for me to keep them all, so we narrowed them down into two pots, just as Jesus boiled down the 10 commandments into 2 main ones. And ironically, ours sound very much like Jesus’. Family goal #1 - Serve God and family goal #2 - Serve others.
Right away, I set out to run for the prize. I was going to serve God. And that meant making Him the very ‘air I breathe’. What does that mean? I wondered. And that was the day I made the commitment to spend time on my knees every morning in a quiet time - separate from my Bible study time. I told God that if He wasn’t going to be the air I breathe, then I don’t want air.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)